6 Reasons Why Your Next Outing Should Be To the Library
Tina Detchon
May 27th 2016
THE DOOR OPENS AND YOU WALK INTO THE MUSTY SMELL OF SWEET PAPER. SORRY, YOU SWEET AND FRIGHTENED TREES THAT WERE “RELOCATED” TO BETTER PASTURES, THIS IS THE LIBRARY. I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING, “I JUST GOTTA POP TO THE LIBRARY, RETURN THESE BOOKS AND THEN HEAD TO MY YOGA CLASS.” WELL I AM HERE TO SAY, SLOW DOWN, SALLY! YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY BRANCH DOESN’T HAVE TO BE JUST A PLACE THAT YOU GET NEW RELEASES FROM 4 YEARS AGO OR WATCH THE LOCAL HOMELESS MAN PLAY SOLITAIRE ON THE COMMUNITY COMPUTERS. THIS PLACE IS A TROVE OF UNTAPPED JEWELS THAT ANY RESCUER FROM DOWN UNDER WOULD RIDE HOURS ATOP A SEAGULL TO FIND.
LET’S TAKE A JOURNEY TOGETHER, I’VE CHANGED FROM MY DOC MARTENS INTO MY VANS, MY CARDIGAN IS BUTTONED TO THE TOP. WE’RE READY TO GO. LET’S WALK THROUGH THE 6 DIFFERENT FUN-TRAPS OF THE LIBRARY:
LET’S TAKE A JOURNEY TOGETHER, I’VE CHANGED FROM MY DOC MARTENS INTO MY VANS, MY CARDIGAN IS BUTTONED TO THE TOP. WE’RE READY TO GO. LET’S WALK THROUGH THE 6 DIFFERENT FUN-TRAPS OF THE LIBRARY:
1. LET’S START OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT- THE DVD SECTION! HEEYY-YOO! WHETHER IT’S GOT EXCLUSIVELY 80S FLICKS OR CRITERION COLLECTION ARTSY FILMS, THERE’S ONE THING THAT ALL DVDS AT THE LIBRARY HAVE IN COMMON- THEY’RE FREE. NOT EVEN $1 RED BOX CAN BEAT FREE (GRANTED YOU ACTUALLY RETURN IT ON TIME). THESE DVDS WILL EXPAND YOUR MIND AND YOUR WALLET SO GIVE ‘EM A GANDER!
2. THE CHILDREN’S SECTION—WHILE AVOIDING CARPETED (A.K.A. LICE) AREAS OR POTENTIAL PEE-BEAN BAGS, THIS SECTION IS FULL OF THE CLASSIC TEAR JERKERS OF YOUR PAST CHILDHOOD AND NEW KNEE SLAPPERS FOR THE NEW AUNT OR UNCLE YOU’VE BECOME
3. WHAT’S THAT YOU FEEL WHIZZING PAST YOU? OH YEAH, THAT’S THE FREE WI-FI. MOST LIBRARIES TODAY HAVE FREE WIFI (WITH AN OCCASIONAL NEED TO BE A LIBRARY CARD HOLDER), BUT YOU WILL NOT BE GUILT-FORCED TO BUY ANYTHING FOR THIS ALL-DAY STREAM BEAM.
4. WAIT, HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THE ROOMS FULL OF FREE BOOKS? AT MY LIBRARY AND MOST OF THE CALIFORNIAN LIBRARIES I’VE BEEN TO, YOU CAN CHECK OUT UPWARDS OF A 100 BOOKS! WELCOME TO THE LIBRARY IN THE LAND OF FREEDOM!!! HOWEVER, THIS COULD BECOME YOUR SLIPPERY SLOPE IF YOU HAVE NO SELF-CONTROL AND THINK YOU CAN READ 100 BOOKS OR WATCH 100 MOVIES WITHIN THE SHORT RETURN-TIME ALLOTTED TO YOU. GOOD LUCK, YOUR ONLY GOAL IN THIS GAME IS TO NOT OWE THE LIBRARY MONEY. IT’S HARDER THAN YOU THINK :)
5. BY FAR MY MOST FAVORITE ACTIVITY IN THE LIBRARY WOULD HAVE TO BE SLOW BROWSING. THIS IS WHERE YOU HEAD TO A SECTION IN SEARCH OF A BOOK ON THE LUNG CAPACITY OF EELS AND END UP DRIFTING INTO A POETRY HAZE OF RICHARD BRAUTIGAN AND DON'T COME UP TO THE SURFACE AGAIN UNTIL YOU'VE THOROUGHLY EXPLORED THE SCIENCE OF JACK THE RIPPER'S MURDER TECHNIQUES. PUT THAT SILLY PHONE DOWN AND LET YOUR MIND WANDER INTO A DEWEY OVERWHELM.
6. THE LAST THING TO DO WHEN YOU JUST HAVE TO GO TO THE LIBRARY IS THIS—PEOPLE WATCH. MY GOODNESS, THE LIBRARY IS VERY MUCH LIKE THE CITY BUS—THE TRUE MELTING POT OF PEOPLE. NO MATTER YOUR ECONOMIC, POLITICAL, RELIGIOUS PERSUASION, THESE DOORS LET ANYONE IN! SO SIT BACK AND TAKE A LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE FROM TOTALLY DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE EMOTIONAL SPECTRUM HAVE TO INTERACT AND AWKWARDLY WALK AROUND EACH OTHER WHEN LOOKING AT THE SAME SHELF. I CAN’T BELIEVE WRITERS WORK ANYWHERE BUT THE LIBRARY, THE INSPIRATION IS PALPABLE!
SO DUST OFF THAT OLD LIBRARY CARD AND MAKE YOUR WAY OVER TO THE COOLEST HUB OF INTELLECTUAL AND SOCIAL INTERACTIONS. YOU'LL BE THANKING ME WHEN YOU BUMP INTO YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE WHILE PERUSING THE SHELF FOR MORE BOOKS ON DIY GARDENING TIPS... BUT DON'T COMPLAIN TO ME WHEN A HOMELESS PERSON YELLS AT YOU FOR TOUCHING A BOOK ON THEIR "TURF", IT'S A WILD WONDERFUL WORLD, SO DON'T BE AFRAID OF A LITTLE SPICE.